... ... ask Liberace ... ...

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Dear Liberace ...

My lover and I enjoy our sex together very much ... and everyday. On an off day, maybe it's only 6 or 7 times ... but it's more like 10 times when we are getting along together. There is nothing like having his 11" penis inside of me ... NOTHING!!! Why, his massive girth can hardly fit into my tiny anus. As it is, it takes us almost 20 minutes for to achieve adquate rear entry and by then I am in a such a tremendous state of unconcious bliss that I am told that I scream and moan so loudly that the police were actually called out to our apartment building a month or so ago.  I have no recollection of this event... but sure enough ... the police are in most of that evening's 1 1/2 hour video. My lover and I are having the nicest policemen over for dinner next Saturday night ... (to help us with our noise reduction and decible). Last week, we met our nice new neighbors and they too, have been made more than aware of my moaning and wish to help my lover. So concerned are they, thay they have taken to watching us every night from their rear bedroom windows which face directly into ours. I need the overhead lights on to guide my man into my tiny anus ... as well as for the camera; low-lighting simply doesn't pick up that much detail at all. Politically, neither my lover or I believes in drapes or curtains. As I practice to take all of my man ... (for better or for worse) ... our new neighbors 'oversee and review ' my lover's growing patience with me, as well as their grading my 'correct' thrusting and positioning. They are so professional, that our new neighbors even offer me words of encouragement ... they coach me ... for me to "take all of it in " and " it's almost inside dude' and "don't ejaculate too soon". Such nice fellows are they, that whenever necessary, they will actually crawl through our windows to assist me ... all, out of their tenderness and their concern for my well-being and satisfaction. They will even extend their helping hands at applying my top-of-the-line lubricant, helping me to not stain our designer bedsheets.  After my 3rd or 4rth orgasm, all appears to be calm within me ... my marsmallow and inebriated after-glow ... but no sooner do I start to regain my conciousness, that I feel my lover thrusting hard ...deep inside of me once again. He just can't get enough of my 'tight-ness. When he starts his own moaning is when I come back alive and kicking because then I know for a fact that he is about ready to ejaculate his copious ejaculate all over my face and chest... and then he licks me clean. He is ever-so-thoughful that way. Oh ... I forgot to mention that our new neighbors are from Manhattan ... so it just goes to show you that not all New Yorkers are bad. Have you ever had neighbors from Manhattan, Liberace? I don't know how I will ever be able to repay their kindness and patience with my tiny anus problem. They told me last night that they would think of something real soon and then let me know ... once our video camera is fixed... so whatever they say goes. My lover will see to it that I repay them their dues and then some. I'll do anything to satisfy my man ... anything. But Liberace ... my problem is this. Our new neighbors find the need to smoke a cigarette or two after my lover ejaculates for the last time ... and I have heard that second-hand smoke is dangerous. Is this true? Please hurry with your response.     

signed, Bow-Legged in Boise

Dear Bow ...
Your letter simply could not be any more timely! Just last month ... 12 miles outside of Taos, New Mexico ... I had the Queen Suite Royale at the Ramada Inn. I couldn't get to sleep because I thought that their was a caged animal that was suffering to the highest degree imaginable, somewhere close by. At first, I did not know from which direction all of the pleading, whimpering and begging was coming from. As I am an Animal Rights activist ... (though nothing could EVER stop me from wearing my furs) ... I just had to see for myself, what all of the commotion was and if I could prevent any cruelty to animals. I am nothing, if not a crusader for the animals !!! For all I knew at the time, there might also be a luxurious pelt in it for me ... perchance to match my new purple pantsuit. Doll, you should just how it fits!! ALL of the beading was done by hand with VINTAGE beads from Europe !!! Oh, where was I? Oh yes. I was wearing nothing but a washcloth and flip-flops ... and  $673,000.00  worth of my gaudy-but-real jewlery ... (and of course ... my wig !!) ... when I skipped off towards Room # 719 ... down the hall and on the Eastern side of the Inn. Apparently, there was a troupe of clowns and acrobats with a travelling circus from ... of all places ... New York City!!!  So, in response to the urgency of your ' tiny anus predicament ', Bow... I will now relay just what exactly happened when all of the confetti hit finally the floor with these rather ribald clowns ... and the acrobats ? WOW !!!  I'd like to tell you about it personally, Bow ...  next time I'm in Boise. I hope that you can make the proper adjustments with your mindset and your torso ... and your tiny anus from my lengthy answer that follows ... and that therein, you will both find and extend willingly ... the proper ettiquette that goes along with your duties of ' properly satisfying your man ' ... AND greeting the Welcome Wagon with open arms.

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